Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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