hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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