If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
