so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
