I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
