This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize