I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize
