just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
