So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
