It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
