An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Drunk is a universal language darling
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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