The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
