The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
