I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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