Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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