he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
