i was born a porn star she said
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
