Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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