checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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