took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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