So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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