no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
