The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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