K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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