We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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