I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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