gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
she told me i tasted like america
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
