Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
