I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
