At least make sure they are 18
Why
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
