I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
