This is not my ceiling
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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