Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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