Your face is a jimmy john
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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