Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Randomize
