Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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