theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
