my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
There are leaves in my underwear?
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