Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
