We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
