Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
