Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
