Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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