I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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