You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
