She is in my trunk
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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