i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
