It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
