we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
