You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
