It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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