I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
