I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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