if you like me you must not know who I am
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
My bed is full of blood and feathers
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
