You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
