I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize