I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
