I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
