I met the friendliest cop last night
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
