how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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