I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
