he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
