Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
