My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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