i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
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