I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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