then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
