Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
