that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
