Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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