My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
