Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
