I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize