remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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