we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize