Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
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