he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
