What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Four minutes until I can fart!
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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