Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
