I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize