I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
