The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Randomize
