Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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