operation have a gay friend backfired
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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