You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize