I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
