He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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