I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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