i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
