Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
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