I got her a Nickelback box set.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
