I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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