Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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