i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
