You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
