this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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