i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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