do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize