Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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