y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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