and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
