I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
